In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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