Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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