i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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