Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
