Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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