Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
