So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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