he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
