Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
