Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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