i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
