I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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