I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
