margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
