How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
