Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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