I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
