dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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