May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
