we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
