I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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