Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
