now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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