He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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