Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's rum buckets o'clock
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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