What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think my moral compass just broke
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
