He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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