So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
