when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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