is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
