hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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