How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
