I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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