Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
