Your tits are I can't wait for
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
