You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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