The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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