He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
