just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
