Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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