Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
