Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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