Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
