the condom got lost in my hair
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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