true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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