I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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