win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
