I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
