Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
