You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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