Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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