this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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