3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
