Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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