Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
