I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
