dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
