fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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